I dreamed.

I dreamed with him, he held me and with the same smile that I remember, he told me not to blame myself for leaving him, that everything was fine. He made me feel better again, he made me think about him again, and to wish for him to be here with me, again. To think that maybe things would be much easier with him by my side and discover all these new places and new ways of doing things with him holding my hand, I was crying, I don’t understand why, but it felt so good to be held by his peace again, even if it was just a dream that by this hour of the day it feels so far away. Then something darkened in me, a strange feeling I can’t really describe, and he wasn’t holding me when that happened.

I dreamed with them, the same smiling couple I remember, she, one of my best friends, once I thought. I love her, but I’m afraid I never meant to her what she means to me. There’s so many things she wouldn’t have done if so. Even when she keeps saying I am one of her best friends. We had a very strange friendship. And I really don’t know where I stand now, where we stand now. I left the country, and I’m sure if I don’t contact her, she ever won’t.

I dreamed with that guy who once freed me, joking and complaining just like I remember. That guy I didn’t have because of my lack of self security, that guy who made me feel something similar than music, and that is hard to say. But I’m sure now, that wasn’t love.

***

The five of us where preparing pizza, laughing and joking just like I remember, some part of me want it to happen again. Some part of me would rather to go back to that time, I was happy then.

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